“Why wasn’t I good enough?”: Walking Away from What Wasn’t Meant for You

Jessica shares a heartfelt message about finding strength in rejection, embracing self-worth, and walking toward the purpose you were meant for.

In this heartfelt episode, Jessica turns toward a question many of us have wrestled with: Why wasn’t I good enough? Drawing from her own experiences with rejection, criticism, and seasons of struggle, she reflects on how painful moments can shape our identity, hold us back, and make us doubt our worth.

Jessica invites listeners to reframe those experiences not as proof of inadequacy, but as protection from what was never meant for them. Through stories, encouragement, and gentle guidance, she reminds us that we are enough exactly as we are, and that our unique light and purpose are needed in the world.

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Transcript:

Jessica Doering: Hey y'all, I know you were expecting to hear a different voice on here and Lauren's voice is so soothing. So, I'm sure that you'll miss it today, but I wanted to drop in here. Told her, I really feel like there's something that is meant for you that I'm supposed to be sharing with this group. And I think there's just some people listening that need to hear this. Ah For those of you that don't really know my personal story or my history, I had a great family growing up and wonderful, loving parents. Went to a great school, uh had a lot of blessings in life, but that's not to say that my life has been without any struggle or difficulty. I experienced bullying when I was younger, both, I would say actually like elementary school, middle school, high school, probably all throughout in different ways. Some were intense than others and for a lot of my life, even into adulthood, my personality and the way that I was designed to be has been criticized as a negative thing. And if you have ever experienced that, or you've experienced rejection through family, through romantic relationships, maybe even through friendship, that really left you feeling unloved and unvalued and maybe even questioning, like, why wasn't I good enough for them? That is definitely a huge part of my story. And I think this message is for you today.

Jessica Doering: Em.. When I became an adult and started in the workplace, I think I just expected that everyone was going to have a similar heart that I did because we're in helping profession, right? We know that many of us enter the helping profession, and maybe this is your story too, we enter it in the first place because we've been through hard things. And so we have a heart for people who've experienced hard things. We want to make the world a better place. We want to make a difference. And I think in some ways too, we want validation, like that our purpose in life, that the things that we're intended for are bigger than the things that have happened to us. And if you've ever gotten into the workplace and experienced hard things or had rejection there, you know how difficult it can be because it makes you feel like that validation that you're seeking, that this was for you, that the work you're doing matters, that the people around you see you for who you are, that when that's not there, it makes you question everything. And I think even for those of us who don't experience that in the workplace, but we have experienced it in our lives, what happens is we end up carrying that pain into our jobs with us. And that question of why wasn't I good enough is something that impacts everything around us. In the last year, I have been on a pretty big journey, I would say. I feel like God has been taking me on a crazy ride in some ways that I didn't necessarily want, but now recognize that I needed. And what I've been learning is that those rejections, that feeling of, am I good enough? Or worried about the way that people might be perceiving me because of things that have happened to me in the past, It's really held me back. In what I do. When we're not showing up fully ourselves, when we're not as present as we should be, when we're not stepping into things we know we're called to do, we know we were meant for, because of the hurts that we carry with us, we are allowing fear to rule our lives and to damage the things that we're trying to do and to get in the way of our purpose. And the message that I think is meant for you all today that it's something I've been wrestling with, something that I've been learning myself, something that I am excited to share with you is I think when we feel that way that why wasn't I enough? We're starting from the wrong place. We think, why wasn't I enough for this person that they didn't hurt me? Or why wasn't I enough? Why wasn't I good enough? For that person who rejected me. Why wasn't I good enough to make them stay or to make them treat me better? And something that really hit me this week when I was processing a really hard relational thing that really caught me off guard and was just a. .. Oh big challenge to all the work that I've been doing in my own life, in my own heart. Like I show up authentically. I am who I am. I am, you know, trying to step out and not be afraid and step into the things that I feel called to. It really caused me to kind of like take a step back and be like, oh no, like, you know, what's going on here? Uh And I won't get into details with that, but what I feel like was brought to me almost like divinely this past week and that I want to bring to you is when we start to question that, like, why wasn't I good enough in those situations when someone rejected you, when someone left you, when someone was unkind to you or unfair to you or didn't show up for you when you showed up for them. It's actually maybe that they weren’t good enough for you. Like they weren't good enough to see the good in you. Maybe they were afraid when they saw the good in you that they don't have in themselves. That idea of it's my fault or there's something wrong with me. When someone else chooses to be unkind, when someone else chooses to reject or to not allow you space for growth, whatever that has, you know, stemmed into in your life where you've seen that rejection or that difficulty, just know that that wasn't meant for you. That person wasn't meant for you. That situation wasn't meant for you. I personally believe that God uses those situations where maybe someone did reject you or left you and you're sitting here thinking, why, you know, why did you leave? Why did you reject me? Why wasn't I good enough for you? In some ways, those situations are a blessing.

Jessica Doering: Sounds crazy to say that, right? Maybe you're like. It was my mom or my husband or my, my best friend who did this to me. How could you say that? But I'm realizing that those people, those people who didn't see the good in me or those people who rejected me, those people who hurt me, they were never intended for me in the first place. And by continuing to pursue that line of thought, why wasn't I good enough? It's keeping me in this spiral and preventing me from doing the things that I was intended to do. The reason why I was made the way I am is because there was this amazing purpose for my life that I'm intended to step into. And it's the same for you. The work that you do is so important. You show up for people who've been through hard things. You love people. You are really good at your job. You wouldn't be here listening to these messages, listening to this podcast series. If you weren't a compassionate, strong, kind person who wants to show up for others. And those things are not just admirable, but that's what the world needs right now. And I want to encourage you not to let the darkness win. Like, not to let the attacks that are coming in your mind where you think it was you that you weren't the one who was good enough. I don't want that to stop you from your purpose. And I know for me in the past, really has. It's caused me to live in fear. And I want to just free you from that and tell you that those things that were hard at the time, those rejections and the abandonment that maybe has happened in your life, think of it as a protection from something worse that those people, had they continued in your life, would have just continued to get in the way of your ultimate purpose and the things that were intended for you. I don't know if this is making sense and I hope that it's encouraging to you, but you're here because you are different in a good way. Like you bring a light to the world. You want to help other people. You want to know how to show up in that even better. I mean, you're exactly the type of person that you're meant to be. That's not to say we're not growing. I'm growing, I'm learning, I'm not perfect, and I never pretend to be. And it's great that we're on this learning journey together. Lauren and I love so much doing this work with you and getting to see the changes in people's lives as a result of all this amazing work that you're doing. We want you to keep growing, but we also don't want you to be held back anymore by those painful things and situations. And I want you to start to try to reframe it in your mind as these people, these situations, the things that were hard. It was intended to show you that you were meant for more, that these people weren't intended for you. And quite frankly, that they weren't good enough. They weren't good enough to show you the good things about you to reflect them back to you and encourage you and love. They weren't good enough to see all of the amazing qualities that you have inside of you. And they weren't who was meant to be beside you as you step into your purpose. And the work you do is so important that it's just, it's not worth holding on to those things, situations, people anymore. And that's what I've been learning. And I know it's easier said than done. It's really hard, it's painful, and it kind of cuts to our core identity. But I think, you know, Lauren and I, we've worked with thousands of people who are helpers, right, across all different types of professions, teachers and doctors and nurses and social workers and nonprofit workers. And the thing that I see so often is we show up in this work because something hard has happened to us in the past, or we see an injustice that we feel like we have to show up and do something about. And there's just something so beautiful about helpers, about people just like you who show up in these hard situations and they are helping make the world a better place. But this is my own personal uh spiritual belief. I'm not asking you to, not trying to force you to believe it too, but I think that When that darkness comes after you and is trying to cause you to live in fear or anxiety or to live in the past, to live in regret, to live in shame or, uh, just really in any way holding you back, it's because of the potential of the light that's inside of you that was intended to go out for everyone else. And when we allow the darkness to win, then that light doesn't get shown.

Jessica Doering: And so today, I know this podcast episode is so probably weird for you because it's so different from the series that we've been in. But I just felt so led to bring this to you because I think there are some of you that just deeply needed to hear this today that you are enough, that you are good in the world, that the world needs you exactly as you were intended to be. That you don't have to make yourself any less. You don't have to receive things that weren't meant for you. In fact, I encourage you to start saying, I don't receive that when you're given feedback that you know goes against who you actually are. When there's things that have happened in your past that you feel like have to define your life forever. I just want you to know that those things were intended for evil, for bad, for darkness in your life, but God intends it for good. And I hope that you feel encouraged knowing that you're seen by someone who understands. Like, even if you don't know me personally, just know that I'm cheering you on and Lauren is cheering you on. We know that you have a kind heart. That's why you're here. We know that you're loving and you're generous and probably patient. Although, you know, you're also probably here because there's days where that's tested. That's true for all of us. But the reason why you landed here on this podcast is because there's so much good in you that's intended to be shared with the world and whatever it is that's holding you back, we'd love to hear about it. If there's anything in this message that you felt like really hit you. Especially if it's something that maybe hit you in a way that you want to share with others. We encourage you to, like, leave a review for the podcast or share with someone else because the truth is that the work that we're doing is to try to help people just like you who have been held back, who want better, who want more and who are ready to make an even bigger difference in the world. We would love it if you had connected us to let us know how today's episode impacted you. If you'd like to hear anything specific or share anything specific with us, we always love to hear from our listeners. You can email us, lauren at fiveives.com or Jessica at fiveives.com. I also just want to share real briefly that if you're someone who is in education and you're listening and you're like, man, like I'm ready to. Let my light shine in the world and I'm ready to keep making a difference, but I am exhausted because the behaviors in my classroom are driving me nuts. Know that you're not alone. It's a really hard season right now to be in the classroom and to be working with kiddos and we have an amazing program that I don't want to say it's like life changing because I know that sounds silly, but actually like it kind of is life changing. The teachers that went through it this summer, the feedback was just like, I wish I had this so much long ago and it could have changed so many things for me about my hardest classes. They're like, everyone needs to take this class. If you're interested in that, we have a fall cohort starting on September 15th and we'd love for you to be in it. You can get the link in the show notes. We also have a self-paced option if you're like, I don't need the college credit for this, but I want to take Behavior Breakthrough and I want to learn more about how to help kiddos who are doing things that are dangerous or defiant or aggressive or frustrating. Uh, Please click the link in the show notes for that as well. The self-paced option is open now. There is an option available for both the self-paced and the University of Pennsylvania credit. That is for early childhood, one for K-4 and one for 5-12. It's all the same information, but we try to give you examples and strategies that are more age appropriate for you. I want to just leave you with this. I'd like for you today, your like try it at home tip for the day. I want you to get out a notebook and I want you to write down the things that are holding you back. Maybe it's, why wasn't I good enough? Maybe it's, when will I ever be blank? Maybe it's, why can't I blank? Maybe it's, I am not this thing that I want to be. We all have those things in our life, those hard things that come up in our mind that are keeping us back. And what I want you to do is as you read that, I want you to think about the purpose that you've been given in your life. Maybe I'm not saying you have to know like everything about your life purpose, right? And your like entire trajectory, but just think about your career, your job, the thing you show up in that you know you were meant to do that you know you're really good at. And what I want you to do is I want you to read through the list and to say to yourself, these things were not meant for me. These statements about me, these negative things I think about myself or these questions that are leading me into fear, this wasn't meant for me. And then I want you to write down what you know was meant for you. Like, I know I was meant to show up for helpers just like you. I know I was meant to be a justice warrior, a freedom fighter. I know I was meant to do this work, to help people who've been through the hardest of things and to make the world a more compassionate place. That's what I know about myself. What do you know is true about yourself that sometimes you forget because of all those hard questions? And this week when hard things come up, when those doubts come up, those fears, the things that are holding you back. From doing what you know is the next step for you or what you know you were intended to do or even just showing up as your best, most authentic self because you're afraid of rejection. I want you to just pull that out. That thing that you wrote down that says this is what I was intended for and just read it back over yourself this week. You are totally worth it. You're beautiful. You're kind. You're loved. And you are going to make a difference in the world. Thanks for being here with me today.

Categories: : Emotional Regulation