Taming Transitions: Tiny Rituals That Calm Big Shifts

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Explore how small rituals can ease daily transitions, reduce stress, and bring more calm and resilience to your routines.

Transitions are everywhere from shifting between tasks at work to moving through family routines and they can quietly dysregulate us. In this episode, Lauren shares why these moments feel so disruptive and how tiny rituals can anchor them, bringing calm and predictability.

Discover simple, sustainable practices like a breath after a meeting, calming music before bed, or a quick stretch at the end of the day that turn daily shifts into opportunities for grounding and resilience.

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Transcript:

Lauren Spigelmyer: All right, we've got two, three, three, I think three more episodes in this series, just about kind of like micro habits and regulation and just things to do in your home and workplace. It's a little combo of a couple of things. But today I wanna talk about kind of taming your transitions because in everyday life, gosh, we have so many transitions. I think, like, first thing is like out the door if you are taking kids to school or you work outside the homes, like, that's a transition that you're transitioning from, like, home to school or if you don't have kids home to office and then from office to, like, office inside the office or like there's like micro transitions within the transition. If you stop along the way to get your coffee, if you're doing multiple stops, can stop at the grocery store first. Within your work day, you're transitioning a lot from, like, this project to that, email to this, or if you're in a field that works with kids, you're probably transitioning the kids through multiple things throughout the, like there are macro and micro transitions all throughout everyone's day all the time. Like, even if you're at home, you don't leave your house, you might not have a transition out of your house, but you do have transitions from like morning, getting ready to go into work, to open your computer, to checking email, to into a project, to into a meeting. Like all of those are transitions and the thing is transitions are really, I shouldn't say really, but they're dysregulating because they just impact us, like, cognitively and physically and socially and emotionally, not even necessarily on a conscious level, but on unconscious level. We can help make these transitions a little bit less dysregulating if we can anchor them. So, let me explain more about what this means. if you dread, you probably don't dread micro transitions because you probably don't realize so much they happen but, if you dread more macro transitions, then your nervous system definitely does too. That means that you're, like, extra dysregulated. So, if you feel resistance or like dread around bigger transitions, then that's probably a sign that we need to anchor your transitions.

Lauren Spigelmyer: Okay, so... It's really thinking about, like, in your day, we can anchor a lot of transitions, but are there any transitions that really throw you off completely? Like for me, checking emails, probably one of them. There's a couple of messaging systems, like checking those really dysregulate me. What else? Pick up drop off from certain things will dysregulate me. If I scheduled too many transitions back to back, like I'm like, okay, let's go to the grocery store and let's return this package and let's go to the post office. Let's go here, let's go here. Five things into my day and I'm like, what was I thinking? And that was like seven transitions all at once and two now three year old can't handle that. I can't handle that. He's dysregulated. I'm dysregulated. It's a mess. And we're at like 9:30 in the morning. So how do we stabilize? How do we stabilize these transitions, whether they're, like, choice transitions, like we're choosing this over schedule or we have to make them because of work or family or whatever it is. So, let's anchor these transitions, but let's talk about kind of, why they dysregulate us from the get go. Think about transitions. They are kind of rapid shifts or they involve rapid shifts. And again, they involve rapid shifts that maybe impact you cognitively, potentially impact you physically, maybe socially, emotionally, but it could be all of those areas, but they cause a shift and it's somewhat of a rapid shift. So, what happens is when we don't anchor these transitions big or small, it kind of cues for the subconscious a little bit of uncertainty. Like, even when you open your email, like there's uncertainty there. So, that transition can be a little bit dysregulating. And then when our brain senses some level of uncertainty, it then goes into more of a survival response. And you may not like feel all of this or know all of this, but... you'll start to see the signs of dysregulation and the more trouble with transitions you have, the more dysregulated you become. And it can be a bunch of little micro ones that dysregulate you or it be a macro one where you do the micros and they dysregulate you and they do the macro and you're really sent over the edge. You're sent over the edge.

Lauren Spigelmyer: So, we really, what our body loves is rhythm and routine. And it benefits a lot that subconscious brain parts, body, mind, things all benefit from predictability. And it also likes closure. It likes when things come to a close and then end and then reset and start over. So, we like predictability and we like closure and it all has to do with your subconscious, never sense some reaction. So, that's what you need to know about why transitions are really, like, hijacking us and hijacking our regulation. So, let's talk about how do we anchor transitions with rituals. Rituals are just little things that are repeated and when we add rituals into our transition or repeated patterns into our transitions, then it's kind of like this intentional cue of, like, something is ending, something is coming next and we may or may not know what to expect, but we know that the transition is coming because I've used this tool or thing or strategy to anchor before it starts and maybe I anchor it after it's over. But, let me give you some examples because I feel like I'm not being quite clear on this. If you're in a classroom, transitions happen and maybe they are anchored by a cue like a call and response. So, you might need kids to transition by getting their attention with like some kind of call and response, saying, I'm trying to think like mine was always, I haven't used this in like 15 years, would say “Mac and cheese” and everyone will go “everybody freeze” and then we transition. I liked it because it was one of the more abnormal ones. Anyhow, it doesn't work so well with adults, so maybe don't try that one. But some teachers use like a chime or a bell or what else have I seen used like a soundable. It could be, like, a movement sequence, maybe even like a visual countdown on the board. So, those would be examples of maybe rituals that are embedded with routines and rituals that are embedded with your transitions that help cue that a change is coming. So, get ready, body. Get ready brain. If you're in the office or like a clinic or a healthcare practice or something, maybe the end of a meeting, you take a big deep breath. Maybe when you're getting ready to go into email, if that's a stressful, like triggering transition, you play a calming playlist. Maybe when you close your laptop for a break or for lunch or for the end of the day, you just do like a quick stretch above your head, like arms above your head. because you've been hunched over probably at your computer all day. So, when you put your arms above your head or do like a downward dog or just like invert yourself, it kind of stretches out your upper body. So, like that's the cue and the transition like a day is done or this activity is done, I'm doing something else next. If you're at home, cues for home-based things would be like, maybe, I'm actually trying to integrate this one, I don't do it, but I'm trying to integrate it for my preschooler, playing calming music. Like, after maybe even like maybe there's some calming music at like dinner, like transition into like evening routine, maybe maybe not there. And then we'll do like brush teeth and we'll read stories. So, maybe then there's, there's calming music at after that point. But at some point in the evening, I'm going to play, I don't know, I haven't even determined or decided, combined those two words, what it is. Like maybe it's nature sounds, maybe it's classical music, maybe it's just low beat music, maybe it's binaural, binaural beats can’t work, we need headphones, isochronic tones. It's gonna be something and maybe I'll light a candle or maybe I'll just dim the lights. But these things cue, the hope is the things will cue, my son for bedtime. But it could even be like fun things too. Like, I mean, this could be a for at home, but I guess it could be in the office too. Dance breaks between tasks, get your blood pumping, gets oxygen going to your brain, you get more mental clarity, you feel a little bit more like you're awake and aware. It could even be, like, food could be a transition, maybe you or like a hydration, like water. Like every time you transition between an activity, you have a sip of water or you get a glass of water or you take, you you just snack, I don't know. But just something that's paired with your transition that's ,like maybe, comforting or regulating, best if it's comforting and regulating, but just like a teeny tiny micro thing that goes with little transitions or big transitions that helps you to create a ritual around those transitions.

Lauren Spigelmyer: So, when you are creating these rituals, the biggest thing is it has to be sustainable. So, one, if you try and change and add rituals to all your transitions, that's too much at once, too much too fast won't last. Pick one big one that we talked about that earlier is like, think about one transition that's really bothersome for you and then to make it sustainable, really keep it simple and maybe possibly add a sensory component, but it's gotta be short. It's gotta be like, 15 seconds, 20, 30 seconds, 60 max. Like your ritual that goes with the transition shouldn't be more than like a minute. But it doesn't need to be extremely complex or well thought out or it's really just what matters is like, you being consistent with doing that? So, here's a good one for you all. I'm a religious person and I am trying to pray more, but I forgot to pray outside of like my morning devotionals or like before bed or when I'm struggling. I just want to more throughout the day. I'm kind in my car a lot, I touch my steering wheel a lot, so I'd like to pray every time I touch my steering wheel and that's always a transition. So, I would be taking the ritual of praying when I touch my steering wheel before I take off and I drive somewhere. Here's one of the problems with this is like I can't remember to do it. I get my car and moving so fast, I'm thinking about the next thing I have to do or I'm stressed out or I'm dysregulated or whatever, transition is probably dysregulating me, I forgot to pray. So, there are two things I could do here. One, I could put a reminder on my steering wheel. I could put a sticky on my dash or something that's like pray or something that cues me to pray when I touched the steering wheel. So that ritual is anchored after the transition happens. I mean, it's kind of in the transition, sort of. I haven't gotten to my final destination, but I have left the house, so the transition has started. So, I'm dysregulated. That might re-anchor me into the transition. So good to use then. And or I could also put a sign at my door and stop and pray as soon as I walk out my doorway. And maybe that will keep me pre-regulated before I even get dysregulated from leaving the house. So, you have to play around with a little bit with like, you doing it before? Are you doing it after? Are you doing it during the transition? Like how long of a transition is it? How big of a transition is it? You just want to be consistent. And if you can't remember to be consistent, what kind of reminders can you put in place to help you be consistent? Because you probably just won't remember it. You're trying to change a habit and it's hard to do without visual reminders.

Lauren Spigelmyer: Okay, so what I'm going to ask you to do is go back to that, either the one you thought of earlier or a new one, like a chaotic transition in your day and just going to close your eyes and visualize what that feels like, what it looks like before, what it looks like during, what it looks like after and think about what's a 30 second or less, 60 max second ritual or repeated pattern that you can tie to that transition to anchor it down a little bit. And then I would say try for like three to five days, maybe like one work week and reflect on how it's gone. And if it hasn't gone well, there's a strategy that Jessica and I really love called take yourself out to tea. So, it's you, you write out T E A what was like the trigger around the transition. What were your emotions and thoughts? And then what was the action or the response of the transition? Like how were you, how were you feeling in it? What resulted after it? How did you yell at someone? Did you shut down? Like just kind of moving through those three things. The triggers around it, the thoughts and emotions, and then the actions that came of it. And then once you see like what didn't go well about it, then if you visualize the TEA again, okay, same thing's going to trigger me. I'm going to have these emotions and thoughts. Let's change the action. And the action is where you insert the new ritual. So, okay, I'm going to insert this here to hopefully prevent myself from acting the way I did last time. Transitions can become a source of calm. And when you move through transitions feeling calm, because you've anchored them, you're building resilience. When you're building resilience, it carries over into other transitions. So, this is a really powerful thing to do, even though it seems so small and simple, I guess. But the problem is we're just mostly not aware of any of it. Bringing this into awareness for you, transitions, anchor your transitions. And if you're really stuck, use a resource. I know I talk a little bit about AI and some people have resistance to that, but I like AI as a thought collaborator. So, for example, I sat with myself and was like, okay, what is the morning routine? What does an evening routine for my three-year-old look like? Our bedtime evening routine is not good. It's not where I want it to be. I just, want to shift it completely, but that's going to be a huge transitional change for him. So, I asked ChatGPT to take what I came up with so far and manipulate it and remove these things and add these things. I'm going to put times on them and like come up with this and help me with this. And I, we, went back and forth for a while until I mapped out a routine with visuals and supports and like easing into it and anchors around it that I'm like, okay, that one feels good. I think that might work. I'm really pleased with that and I'm going to try and start to implement it. But I have to recognize that we are making a big transitional change here from what we are doing currently to what I want to be doing. And there might be some resistance to that and that's okay. So, I can go through TEA and if my reaction wasn't good, then I can move through that and pick a new reaction anchor again or more if I need to. But just know that if you're stuck with this, you're like, I don't know what to do to ritualize or create a repeated pattern around my transitions. Give it to, to AI and see if AI can help you become a thought collaborator in how to correct that or fix it or address it or just improve it, I guess is what we're getting at here.

Lauren Spigelmyer: So that said, if you are in education or just working with children, we just launched a course in partnership with the University of Pennsylvania that has credit behind it called Behavior Breakthrough. So, essentially, we are in a nutshell going through eight, nine, there's like eight modules and a ninth optional module or there's nine and there's a tenth optional module. It also depends on what grade level you're in but, or which age group of children you're working with, but ultimately this course walks you through, like, the nervous system, neuroscience, trauma, what causes behaviors, how to respond to behaviors with a trauma-informed lens, with a nervous system-informed lens, and how to take care of yourself while moving through all these things with kiddos. So that course launched this summer. It's gonna run again this fall. We start September 15th, which is very, very soon. If it's something that you are interested in, you get 4.5 credits from University of Pennsylvania. And we are going to link for you in the show notes, the registration page and the registration page will give you a lot more information about basically everything you would need to make a decision. But, you will get a transcript at the end of the course and a grade that you can submit to your school or your program if they do tuition reimbursement. So, we'll link that beneath for you. The web URL, it's a little bit long, but you can find it by going to our website, fiveives.com and then going to the podcast page and looking at the show notes. If you don't want to go to all those steps, you can just type in fiveives.com, F-I-V-E-I-V-E-S.com, backslash courses, backslash behavior. no ‘U’ in behavior, just the American English way of spelling behavior, hyphen in the middle, breakthrough, all one word, hyphen, pen, P-E-N-N, and that will take you right to the information page. All right, and if you want to apply this, I would sit down right now and think about what does this look like, or schedule time to sit down and talk about what this looks like, it includes other people, include them in the conversation, and if you need accountability, find someone to kind of reflect through with you and hold you accountable for making these little shifts. I'm telling you, it's gonna make a system so much happier if you make little shifts here. Okay, so next episode, we are talking about resetting rhythms in your day. So, similar but different. We won't talk so much about transitions themselves and anchoring transitions, but really how do we shift rhythms in your day and make sure that they are working for you and not against you. So, until next episode, I'm Lauren Spigelmyer and thanks for joining me.


Categories: : Regulation Strategies

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