The Regulated Team: Creating Cultures That Breathe

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Lauren shares how nervous system regulation shapes workplace culture and offers simple rituals and strategies to help teams reduce stress and thrive.

In this episode, Lauren unpacks how nervous system regulation shapes workplace culture. She explains how stress and micromanagement spread through teams, and why leaders who model calm can shift an entire organization. Lauren also shares simple rituals like intentional meeting openings, midday resets, and predictable rhythms that help teams move from survival mode to thriving together.

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Transcript:

Lauren Spigelmyer: Alright, we are gonna wrap up this series with something called the Regulated Team. Okay, but hear me out. It's about creating cultures in workplace environments, in all workplace environments, that can really just… I'm being honest. Freakin' breathe! There's… there's so much stress, there's so much overwhelm, there's so much overworking, there's so much… Nervous system dysregulation in the workplace, and it doesn't matter if you're in a workplace environment or job that already has high stress, like policing and medical and education, and you're, like, underpaid, overworked. But that is going to be true for all those fields, of course, but it's really just true for a lot of organizations today, especially in the West. And when I say the West, I mean, like, mostly for the United States.

Lauren Spigelmyer: So, we're gonna talk today about just kind of, like, nervous system regulation and how that plays into company culture. A lot of it has to do with something called co-regulation. Co-regulation is basically when… Another person in the environment, whether it's a superior or a peer is intentionally staying regulated and keeping and maintaining regulation to… help, like, positively influence the regulation of those around you. When I say regulation, I mean, like, emotional regulation, self-regulation. So what happens is, our brains and our bodies have these things called mirror neurons, and mirror neurons subconsciously mirror the actions and the behaviors and the nuanced patterns of people around us. So, that's how children kind of learn and develop, and that's why… Like, patterns are created, children see what we're doing, and they mimic those on not even a conscious level. The same happens in the workplace environment, and it happens too in… there's, like, a quote, I don't know who said the quote, but something like, you're like the five people you spend the most time with. Well, that makes sense, because your mirror neurons are modeling the nuanced things that they're doing, or how they show up, or their patterns. It's the same with co-regulation, so… co-regulation can be… kind of, like, negative or positive. I mean, it's inherently positive. Like, you stay regulated, you will regulate someone else around you who is dysregulated. Most of the time, this term comes up in terms of, like, parenting and kids. Like, the adult stays regulated, and the child has a better opportunity to get regulated. This applies to adults, too. This applies to workplace settings as well, because if one adult is dysregulated, and the other adult meets them with dysregulation naturally, you're both dysregulated, and it just goes upward, outward, and out of control. But if one comes in with dysregulation, and the other comes in with regulation, the one that is regulating, if they can stay regulated, they will be more likely to pull that other person out of dysregulation and into regulation, where a better resolve can come from all of this. So. Really? I don't even like the term, like, team or company culture. It's about nervous system. Like, it's nervous system culture. I can walk into an organization, any organization, and probably within 30 seconds, definitely, like, 90 seconds, couple minutes, I can tell you exactly where that organization is in terms of company culture or, like, nervous system regulation. It's why Jessica and I created the Five Ives scale. Like, I can tell you where your organization is at as a collective whole on Survive to Hive, Thrive, Hive. pretty quickly, like, because there are a lot of nuanced things? One, it's a little bit of a gift. Two, it's a bit of a practice. Three, it's a bit of being well-researched in this area, but you become kind of hypersensitive, hypervigilant, hyper-aware of just nuanced little things that people say and people do, and actions and processes and patterns that exist that tell you the state of an organization. All of it is contagious, whether it's good, bad, or ugly. The way we show up, the way our systems are regulated or dysregulated, it's going to influence the way an organization feels and the daily functioning of that organization. I mean, it goes along with that saying where they say, like. When you walk into a team space, you can, like, feel the stress or the tension. Yeah, that's… that's it. Like, that's the nervous system dysregulation. And you can sense that before even a word is uttered. So, that's the contagion. So, like, if that exists between two people, and other people see it, the other people pick up on it, they become a part of it, they catch it, it's contagious. So, the goal here… is to shift regulation, to be aware of nervous system dysregulation, learn to regulate, learn to co-regulate, and it completely impacts, positively, your organization.

Lauren Spigelmyer: So, let's talk about the contagion of regul… Regulation spreads through, like, micro-nuanced little actions and movement. For example, someone's tone of voice, their inflection or lack thereof in their voice, their tone. I think I said tone twice. How tense, defensive they are. Sarcasm, passive aggressiveness, eye rolls… chronic, absenteeism, arriving late, urgency, like, just… you can see it, you can sense it, you can feel it. There are, like, hundreds of micro little things that really show… That the organization as a whole is dysregulated. So, I'm gonna give you a little list here of some ways that a leadership team, or an organizational whole, maybe, because there can be lots of layers of leadership, depending on how big the organization is, would be showing signs of dysregulation, and a lot of it can fall into and relate to, like, micromanagement. Micromanagement comes from a place of being dysregulated. So, let's talk a little bit about, you know, some of the signs that there's dysregulation in kind of all levels of the organization. So, one is, like, if decisions get re-decided, like, if someone, like a leader or somebody, anybody really kind of asks for input, a choice is made, a decision is made, and we're, like, overriding it, we're revisiting it repeatedly, we're constantly changing it, like, that keeps people in a dysregulated cycle. We can't constantly change things, you need to have routine, you need to have rhythm, pattern, that's what the brain likes, that's what keeps us regulated. So if we're constantly changing things, that's going to keep people constantly dysregulated.

Lauren Spigelmyer: Ugh, I feel this one. Narrow approval channels. So, like, even really small, low-risk actions or decisions, must go through leadership. That maybe isn't necessarily always the case or needed, or it is a level of micromanaging or controlling. Micromanaging is just control. It shows that a person has a deep need to control, and that person probably isn't even fully aware that they're trying to control everything. It's their nervous system's dysregulation that is playing out in the form of control. That's… that's what's really going on. And that person might be a really… they want to be a good leader, they have no idea that they're micromanaging or that they're using these control tactics. It's more of a subconscious thing, and it could be from patternings from your childhood, it could be from previous leadership experience that they had had experience from leadership down, it could be just the culture of the organization and how it functions, and they're just repeating the pattern.

Lauren Spigelmyer: Okay. Fear of experimentation. So employees hesitate to try new approaches. This is… I see this in schools all the time, when they are, like, implementing new initiatives, and the school is really rigid and really strict with those initiatives, and basically they're kind of, like, writing teachers up, doing the things, which, you know, yes, there are consequences to actions and not doing things and not being in compliance, but when you take a really punitive approach where you're like. Have a checklist, and you're… You're… you're micromanaging people. then they're going to be hesitant to try new things, and we want people to experiment a little bit. We want people to use their creative and critical thinking. We want new approaches. That's what makes the world better. That's what improves things, is when people experiment and try new things. We don't want them to always feel like they're being corrected, or they're doing something wrong. Within limits, within, you know, some level boundaries, we want experimentation. Hyper-specific feedback, like, corrections that really focus more on… like, personal style choices? For example, like, it's one thing to keep things on brand, because it's your brand, but then if we're, like, hyper-focusing on, like, phrasing of something and how it's listed, even down to maybe even exact fonts. Like, there has to be a little bit of, like, control, again, left go, and focusing more on the outcomes and not, like, the nuanced little things. Again, staying within brand is one thing, but hyper-focusing on small, little stylistic choices can be… A sign of control and micromanagement and dysregulation.

Lauren Spigelmyer: Constant status check-ins. Like, updates are requested and, and, needed, super frequently. and just unnecessary. And that kind of goes along with, too, of, like, so many organizations, I feel like, especially, like, in tech and in corporate America. meetings that people are required to attend, that should not be meetings. Like, please, for the love of God, stop scheduling meetings. That should be a voice memo, that should be a quick video, that should be an email. An email is, like, the least stimulating thing. I feel like we don't even use email anymore, because we're constantly hopping in meetings. And, like, having reoccurring… recurring standing meetings that shouldn't be recurring standing meetings. Like, if people need to ask questions, like, are there other avenues for people to ask questions? Is there, like, a question bank or, you know, a chat that's just questions-based? Like. This concept of, like, we have to have a meeting every week to touch base, like, you actually don't, and it goes against some of the… Some of the, like, current leadership principles and theories of, like, these specific meetings every week, but yes, if it's needed. Yes, if there's something really important to talk about. Yes, if it requires the information to be passed face-to-face, but even some of the requirements around the meetings drive me absolutely bonkers. Like, everyone needs to be present, everyone needs to have their camera on, everyone needs to be with their… Maybe, maybe, if you need to, like, work on your computer and get information and share screens and things like that. But my god. I don't know why more meetings aren't… taken, like, allow people to, like, go for a walk while they're taking the meeting. Allow people to move. Rhythm is regulating, walking is regulating, movement is regulating, gets your blood flowing, gets you, kind of, you might still be on the screen, or maybe you don't even need to be on the screen. Like, you can listen into the meeting, and you can even participate auditorily, but you don't need to see the screen, you don't need to be on the screen. Just because someone has their screen off doesn't mean they're not paying attention. If you don't have enough respect built between yourself and the individual, then… and the whole company culture, or the, like, subgroup culture, like, for me, I tell people when I'm teaching courses and things, like, I don't need your screen to be on. It may be a requirement for other people, but for me, it's not. I desire you to be so invested in this topic and be invested with me here. I believe that you can have your screen off and still be paying attention. I will say this, I'm going to tell you what's going to happen when you task switch. I'm going to tell you how your mental capacity is going to be drained when you're jumping between tasks, so if keeping your screen off means it's easier for you to be distracted, then maybe it is best to keep your screen on, but I'm not going to force or require you to. I'm going to invite you to you know, if you want to, or desire to, or leave it up to you, but ultimately, like, if you're not fully paying attention, or you're jumping between things, you're the one that is losing out on the information that is shared here. And I'm only meeting you live because I feel like this information is so important to share with you that you really must hear it. And that's not because I have some grandiose sense of self, it's because I'm trying to make the world a better place. So, I get the, like, psychological buy-ins that people want to be a part of it, and they don't, again, for me, need to be… with camera on to receive it, but that's just my own personal opinion, so I'll leave that at that. Everyone is different. I do like some people's unusual takes on meeting things like that. Like, I've heard takes from well-known individuals that they're like, if you're in a meeting and you don't feel like you're getting what you need out of this meeting, or this meeting isn't for you, or then I invite you to leave the meeting. Like, you don't have to stay, you're not required to stay. I'm like, hallelujah! Like, that is an awesome… but people have to be so self-aware, and so used to being in a culture and an environment like that, where they really know if it's… okay or not to leave, or if they really know if they're getting something out of the meeting or not, versus just checking out. And if they're just checking out to check out, then maybe they're not invested enough in the process and in the organization itself.

Lauren Spigemyer: Okay, I digress. Moving on. What else? Do-do-do-do-do, I'm trying to think. I just feel like there's a lot of skill underutilization. Like, we have so many good employees, but we don't know their skills, or we don't know the skills well, or we're not utilizing their skills well, and we're, like, pigeonholing them into this box, or this, like, specific role, when you… they have so many talents that could be better utilized for the organization. Here's a good example of it. Like, when someone does something that we don't like, and we fire them, versus, like, their… their concept, though maybe went against policy, or, like, was out of alignment, I don't know, I'm not doing the best job of explaining this, but, like, for me, when someone does something that kind of, like, outsmarts me as, like, their leader, I'd be like, hmm, I didn't like that you did that, because you kind of, like, went around me, but… I do want to applaud you for, like, the courage to do that, or to try that, or to experiment, and also, like, I'm not going to fire you because you did wrong. What I actually want to do is understand more, and I want to utilize your skill set that you just used in a different way, where it's like better use, and I think that you can actually really help us if we can kind of shift and shape and change that type of behavior into one that, like, we feed off each other. So basically what I'm saying is, like, I'm not utilizing your skill set well, so let me help you to utilize it better. Let's have this conversation. Woo! Okay. Low psychological safety. So, team members… Who, like, stop volunteering ideas because they're constantly, like, over… Rolled, or, like, quashed, or just… like… not. heard, really. Like, even if it's not the best idea, like, to allow people to be fully heard. But also setting parameters around that, too, because we let people go on forever, then we get really distracted, and we get really off-topic, so that's a tough one.

Lauren Spigelmyer: Okay, Turnover is definitely a sign of probably dysregulation. Not probably, it is a sign of Dysregulation, nervous system dysregulation of the… the… Leadership level, for sure. If leaders are turning over at the frontline staff level, if frontline staff are turning over at the core company, if, like, people are constantly turning over at all levels. But especially, especially, hear me clearly, turnover of the independent thinkers. And this goes along with, like, that kind of skill underutilization. If people are created or self-directed, and you're not utilizing those unique gifts and personalities, and those people leave, and you are just left with people who are, like, compliant only, you lost some really good people. I truly believe that. I think that people that are independent thinkers can be really well utilized in organizations, and I think we need them to really grow to our fullest potential. My own personal thought.

Lauren Spigelmyer: Okay, Projects that don't move forward. Unless you personally review every step, like, kind of, like, watching every little step along the way and approving everything until you clear it. Like, I just… It's another form of dysregulation and control and micromanagement. If you're a leader and you feel anxious that you're not included in a lot of these parts, like, that's probably a sign that you're dysregulated, because being anxious is the feeling of dysregulation. If you rarely experience a surprise from your team. Like, surprises from your team are a good thing. That means they're creatively thinking, that means they're independently thinking, that means they're trying new things, that means they're experimenting. And that's what we want. We don't want to, like, pre-shape every single move and have everyone conform and be in line and all the things. We want people to… to try new things and try and make things better. That's what… that's how we improve. Okay, so that was basically a super long list of… ways that your organization might be showing some level of dysregulation, or your leadership is showing some level of dysregulation. That said, being in a leadership role takes a lot of different, unique skills and responsibility, and time, and sharpening of those skills, so, like, we should give all those people grace, because it's not an easy position to be in. So, while I simultaneously see these things, and I recognize them, and I'm like, hmm, that doesn't feel good, or that doesn't, you know, sit well, I also… respect that this person is trying to figure it out, or desires to do better, or is open to critical feedback, or not, you know, all the things. I'm just holding grace for everyone.

Lauren Spigelmyer: Okay, so that is basically… If those things are experienced in your organization, one or many of them, that's contagious, it's gonna lead to dysregulation. So, step number two is, or part number two is, what are some team rituals that regulate? Because if you have a lot of dysregulation going on, one, we gotta become aware of that, or bring that into awareness, and then two, we gotta shift and shape and change it through rituals that regulate. So what are some rituals that regulate? One, startup meetings. If you are going to hold these meetings, like, can you start them really intentionally with a pause? a grounding technique, a shared breath. It sounds a little bit like feminine woo-woo, but reality is, like, regulation is a little bit more feminine-based and feminine-nurtured, so… that's okay. Ultimately, it's gonna get more out of the meeting if you can start that way. Even, like, mood check-ins, or gratitude shout-outs, or, like, compliment shout-outs, like, any of those things, really, really good. Okay, so let's talk about, let's kind of break this into a couple different areas, like, start of the day anchors, so what about, like, intentional openings kind of falls into that, like, the meetings, opening the meetings. Very strategically, and doing, like, a 30-second thing to move into the meeting. starting the day with, like, clear priorities ritual, where you're posting or verbally sharing, like, one or two priorities to reduce the ambiguity is good. Even using the first 15 minutes of the day. Are protected from, like, urgent requests to… just allow everyone to, like, come into the workplace and get settled before the fires just, like, start blowing up. Like, just protect the first 15 or 30 minutes by saying, like, no urgent requests, allowing everyone to settle in. I really think that connection and belonging rituals are super important, like weekly wins, roundtable, where everyone shares a small success, doesn't need to be a meeting, it should definitely be, like, a chat thread, or, like, an email, or, like, a short ping. Maybe micro-checks, maybe? To see, like, genuinely how people are doing at the start of meetings, or, especially for, like, one-to-one meetings, or, like, small group meetings. To prevent people from, like, bottling up their stress and agitation. And check-ins, maybe more about, like, how people are doing versus, like, things that need to be done. Like, how… how is this work, you know, sitting with you? How am I doing, managing you? Just getting some feedback there. Even, like, peers, recognizing peers, or, like, moments of positivity, these, like, little shout-outs, and creating a culture of, like, frequent, regular shout-outs, boosts morale, oxytocin, dopamine, all those things are really, really positive to experience. So how can we create a culture where, like, people are trending toward a more positive thing, and it's like a frequent recurrence.

Lauren Spigelmyer: Midday regulation. I definitely feel like we need, like, a midday reset, because most of us are, like, going for the Red Bull, or the coffee, or cold brew, or whatever, as a midday reset. Let's try midday regulation, like, breaks or resets. So, scheduled pauses, like, company-wide, like, 15-minute pause, like, get off your computer, get outside, do whatever, stretch, do some yoga, hydrate, normalize this as a productive, like, reset, I think it's a good thing. movement cues. We sit at desks, even if we're standing, even if we're walking on those cute little walking treadmills, like, I still think we need to move more. We're on a computer, we're staring at a screen, we're staring down, we're typing our necks, our backs, like, not only just movement, but, like, movement in the opposite direction. Like, can you roll on a foam roller? Can you do inversion, like a down dog? Can you hang from something so that your arms are, like, above your head? What can we do as far as, like, physical movement? Because that really supports regulation. Can we take walking meetings, walking calls, you know, whatever we can do. And then sensory reset areas are great, too. We talk a lot about this in education, about, like, setting up these, like, sensory reset zones. They can be, like, quiet, soft meditation spaces with, like, soft lighting and tactile objects, or they can be, like, movement-based stations where there's, like, not full-blown, like, gyms, but options for, like, interactivity, movement, all the things, so that your body, again, gets to move in positions in ways it's not normally in. Again, those seem, like, a little bit, maybe, patronizing, almost, but they're not if they're set up the right way.

Lauren Spigelmyer: Okay, end of day or end of week, like, closing out regulatory practices. It's good to encourage like… 10 to 15 minutes at the end of the week to, like, wrap up projects, to, like, potentially zero out an inbox, more planning for the next day, or planning for the next week, so that we're, like, signaling to the brain, like, I am closing up shops. Like, I'm not taking this home, I'm not taking this home over the weekend, it's not going home with me tonight, like, my work is done now. This routine that I do at the end of the day for 15 minutes that, like, I don't let anything get in the way of means, hello, brain, close it up. Even a reflection ritual, where we, like, start, stop, continue, share that somewhere, journal it somewhere, and integrate that into… This, like, transitory time. Celebrating small wins at the end of the day is really good, too. I just… I love that. I always like, like, celebratory things that really get us in that positive mindset headspace. So, what does it look like to celebrate in a small way to round out the day, round out the week? Okay, if you are leadership, because I'm talking more to, like, cultural aspects of the whole, if I'm talking specifically leadership, I'm like, here are, like, 3 to 5 things you could do. Model your own regulation publicly. Like, literally learn to regulate so that you can co-regulate. And when you feel your energy going up, because someone else's energy is already up, find ways, teach yourself ways, practice ways to bring yourself back down. Like, taking a deep breath before responding, or taking or asking for 30 seconds before you respond to something that you feel very emotionally triggered by.

Lauren Spigelmyer: Build… predictability into the work rhythm. Like, the nervous system relaxes most when it has routine and predictability, and it's, like, repeating patterns over and over and over and over. For example, keep meeting times if you are gonna hold weekly meetings, keep them the same time, the same day. Don't keep changing them. Publish, like, decisions well in advance, as advanced as you possibly can, and do that regularly and consistently. Consistency is key because consistency is predictability. Create visual calendars, create visual workflows, like… do whatever you can do to make sure that people are not bracing to be surprised by something. That's the goal. Use regulating rituals in the morning, midday, and at closing. Whether that's for yourself, or for the collective group, whoever you manage, whoever you oversee, a company whole, like, we need those in there, whether it's a grounding breath, it's a round of gratitude, or a 60-second, like, silent reflection, a positive note, a note on someone's desk. Make sure you have something kind of morning, midday, closure of the day, or closure of the week. offer choice and voice whenever possible. We say that, and people are like, yeah, duh, but I don't think that we always… actually offer it, and even if we do, I don't think we always take it seriously, or, like, really try and integrate it or use it, so invite people to give feedback without fear, and do so in ways they feel comfortable. It doesn't always mean verbal, it doesn't always mean written, it could be asynchronous, synchronous, it could be anonymous. Just give them lots of opportunities to do it in different ways. That way they can decide what's best for them. Design, recovery, not just output. So, yes, we want people to be productive, yes, we want to move the needle, yes, we want the organization to grow, but are we grounding that in recovery between those moments? Are we just moving on to the next thing and producing, producing, producing, producing, until we burn out? Like, encourage micro-breaks, encourage people to literally schedule blocks of white space in their calendar. Don't glorify overworking. and protect, at utmost cost, non-urgent work hours. Like, no working on the weekend, no working in the evenings, no working outside of this time, like… again, the rhythm, the predictability, the regulation, the pauses, all of this is going to keep your team from burning out. You don't do these things, you're gonna burn out. Don't do these things, your team's gonna burn out, and the turnover's gonna go up.

Lauren Spigelmyer: So… Okay, pick one thing. What's one thing you can address, whether… you changing it as a leader, or in an organization, and, like, bringing people into self-awareness and giving some people some feedback, just one thing that you can do. Why are we talking about all of this today? Why have I rambled on for so long about this? Because Jessica and I just took a leadership program that we've been doing for, like, the last two to three years. And we kind of put a ton of data, a ton of research behind it, we reflesh it out, and we, like, basically doubled the amount of time investment in it, where we serve entire organizations, basically, like, once or twice a year. And then we work with frontline staff a handful of times, and then we spend a whole lot of time with leadership. And it's an 18-month long program, and we're about to release it, and it is so exciting, because it really addresses all of these issues and helps a neutral third party to come in and point out some of these things, versus people that might not be self-aware enough to see it. Where people don't receive the feedback from their colleagues about it, but it really… ugh, I'm so excited, because it's really going to shift and shape and change the way people exist in organizations and bring them out of survival and revival states and into thrive and hive states. So, more to come on that. It's about to launch on the website soon, so be looking for that. And if you want to learn more about any of this, go to our website, FiveIves.com. We've got courses that you can get credit through a university for, University of Pennsylvania. We've got programming that we can come in and run and support all of you on and through and for. And, lots of other freebies on the website as well to help in this area, including more podcasts and blog posts on all these topics. So, until next episode, I'm Lauren Spigelmyer. Thanks for joining me, and I look forward to seeing you in the next episode.


Categories: : Emotional Regulation

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