When Culture Dysregulates

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Lauren explores how organizational culture and leadership regulation shape stress, safety, and sustainability at work.

Lauren explores how organizational culture acts as a nervous system and the signs that show when it’s stuck in survival mode. She explains how unclear communication, chronic urgency, and dysregulated leadership quietly shape how teams feel, function, and perform.

She also shares simple ways leaders can restore regulation through tone, emotional repair, and small moments of co-regulation that rebuild trust and create a calmer, more sustainable workplace.

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Transcript:

Lauren Spigelmyer: All right. We are moving through this series on, there's, like, things that cause organizational…dysregulation. So, this one's gonna be kind of straightforward. It's gonna be when and how to identify that your organizational culture… Jessica and I really like to call this, like, your organizational nervous system, when it dysregulates. Like, what are the things that are happening? What are the signs? What are you doing? What can you change to not make your culture a place that just feels like utter chaos and dysregulation. So… kind of like a hard truth episode, where we're gonna kind of walk through organizational nervous system, tone, norms, communication patterns, leadership behavior, how all these things can not only put teams in survival mode, but keep them in survival states. And then I'll talk about just a few tools that you could do to recognize this regulation, and then ways to work on repairing it, or correcting it, or getting it to a place where you're not putting people in survival every day. That's the goal.

Lauren Spigelmyer: So, essentially here, every organization has, like, a nervous system. A lot of people call it, like, organizational culture, culture of an organization, but ultimately, your… I'm gonna go with just, like, organizational nervous system is either… kind of dysregulating, regulating, or kind of somewhere in between. And a lot kind of are either somewhere in between, but often pretty dysregulating, because we just don't know the things that would dysregulate individuals, dysregulate individuals, or dysregulate an organization. So, what we want, obviously, is to fall on the other end of the spectrum, where things are really regulating. So, this would look like…your norms, your policies, your SAPs, when those are really reactive, when communication is incredibly unclear, even if you think you're being clear, or leadership is acting from a place of survival or even fear, the system pulls everybody into this state of chaos, aka survival mode. And that type of culture can really wound people. Like, a lot of people have things similar to that that come from their own childhood, or upbringing, or previous work experiences, and you're stepping into a new work environment, or you're in a work environment that feels like that. So, we don't want to wound people more, because they won't stay, they won't be happy in their work, they will burn out, they will get sick, they will not show up for work. We want… our culture and our nervous system to feel like a place that is happy and healing.

Lauren Spigelmyer: So… Let's talk about how… this, like, nervous system of an organization, or again, the culture of an organization, how it's almost like the body language. Like, we talk a lot about communication in our work, communication to people, communication, especially, like, to children, to other… to colleagues, to superiors, superiors down, organizational communication, but we talk a lot about how you have to check your body language before you spew your words, because no matter what you say, if your body language says something different, if your tone, your, like, physical way your body looks, eye contact, if some of those things are misaligned, or send the opposite messages, the message will not be heard. Your words will not be heard. What's going to be heard is the subconscious processing of your body language, which is really negative, if that's what it is. So, let's think about culture of an organization being, like, the body language. So, essentially, it communicates what's

acceptable and expected without a single spoken word. I can literally walk into any organization, medical practice, attorney practice, therapeutic practice, school, any, like, police, that one's not the best example. There's a lot of high stress in police. A lot of these fields. If you're in the ER, it's high stress, too. So, I can walk into any of these places and walk through, like, the organization in, like, 90 seconds, 2-3 minutes max, and I can tell very quickly the nervous system and what it feels like, based on a lot of unspoken things, like body language of actual people, tone, organization, disorganization, policies, procedures, systems, like, I can take a really quick snapshot and be like, oh, this is where the system falls. It's more of a felt sense that people describe more so than, like, specific… type of actions or non-actions, so people will say, like, I don't really know what's coming next. Like, I'm a little bit on edge in fear, because it's, like, I'm never told in advance, or it's always last minute. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells. I feel like I'm always putting out fires. Like, those are not things you want to hear from your team on the regular. Like, it's okay to have to put out fires sometimes. It's okay to, like, have to drop something without a lot of notice, but not all the time, because that's what puts people into a survival state and puts a culture into survival. Culture reveals itself through the tone in which people speak, the response time and the types of responses, the transparency or lack thereof, and the emotional norms that we set at the beginning of the day, end of the day, in meetings, all kinds of things that are related to emotional regulation or dysregulation.

Lauren Spigelmyer: So, whether we want to or not, we are constantly scanning both staff, employees, leadership, people that come into our practice. We're always scanning for threats. Like, that's just part of our biological makeup. We're looking for quick changes. We're looking for mood swings. We're looking for nuanced signs, that might mean blow-ups are coming. So, if those things are happening, and there is micro-threats that are seen by the subconscious, not even conscious, the culture is sending the message to everyone involved, cues of danger. Even if… like, you're producing decently well, or even if you're earning well or growing, your culture can still be sending messages of danger to individuals. And again, some danger-sending cues are okay, because the system is resilient, or we hope it is. But it just can't be all the time. Like, there's a lot of growth that comes from hard things, but too much growth paralyzes people, puts people into free states, and we don't want that. We definitely don't want your organizational culture to go into a free state.

Lauren Spigelmyer: Okay, One of the things I want to talk about is the contagion of emotion, especially, like, heavy emotion, like high chronic stress, it's very contagious. Humans… co-regulate instinctively, without even really thinking about it, we had these mirror neurons, like, mirror the things that people around us are doing. Whether we want to or not, we are doing that. It's why they had that quote, this is like, you act like the five people that you spend the most time with. Well, that's mirror neurons. That makes perfect sense to me. So, when we know this, when we know that co-regulation is a huge part of the organizational whole, and how it functions, and how it feels. That means that leaders really set the, like, emotional, energetic thermostat, because people are looking to leadership for guidance and for leadership. So, they have more power in this co-regulation area, so if they are dysregulated, they are going to dysregulate everyone beneath them. It's when people in leadership are feeling incredibly rushed, very short, very overwhelmed, that tension that is felt in them cascades downward and affects everybody beneath them. And again, that's okay for short periods. If there are seasons, that's okay to experience some of those things. That's not saying we're inhuman and we should never experience those things. It's when that's a constant state, that that's a problem. Leaders through that, and in that state, their communications are saying, not even always, like, verbal communications, but their body language is saying, fear, urgency, like, that's what it feels like. And when that comes out, consciously or subconsciously, the system mirrors it, and everybody feels it. What happens is that ripple effect of the energetic and emotional tone that the leadership carries, so it's like echoes, and a room, a floor, a whole building, can really be… can carry the leader's tone, and it can last long after the leader walks out of that room, walks out of that floor, walks out of that building. It's still lingering there. It echoes through… through everyone. So… Regulation is contagious. Which is a good thing. Because what we're talking about here is a lot of dysregulation and how stress is contagious, but so is regulation. So, if we can find ways as individuals to get regulated, we can find ways as leadership to get regulated, we can co-regulate, meaning if we stay regulated and we get regulated, people regulate automatically after us. So, it can be positive or negative. That's good for us, because if it's negative, we can flip it, we can learn to regulate, and then co-regulate and affect things positively.

Lauren Spigelmyer: Here's one of the biggest things I feel like is missing. from organizations, and it's repair work. We are human beings, we get stressed out, personal lives are stressful, work is stressful, all the things can be stressful. We are also overstimulated as a society and as individual beings, and that causes us to be a little bit on edge and hypervigilant. So, repair work, relationship building, trust building, a sense of belonging is extremely important, more important than it has been in the past. Most systems, most leadership, skips repair. One, because it feels vulnerable. Two, because it feels weak. Three, because they don't know how to do it. They move on, they hope things will blow over, and that unresolved issue, or those multiple unresolved little micro-issues, eventually accumulate, and it causes ruptures. So… what we want to do is we want to go through these very simple repair steps. We want to acknowledge what we did, and even name it. So, acknowledge and name. Then we want to reset with something. We want to clarify. And then we want to reconnect. Owning that you've done something that wasn't ideal, apologizing even, especially as a leader, can regulate an entire organization. It's the transparency that builds the psychological safety, and it's the psychological safety that keeps people, helps them to work well, produce well, and want to be there and come back. So, when I think about, like, acknowledge a name, reset, clarify, and then go into reconnect. Those 4 steps, they can be done in, like, 30 seconds. Basically, what you need to do is say, like, okay, here's what happened, very briefly, so acknowledge, okay, here's what happened. Here's what we learned, or here's what I learned. That's your kind of reset. Like, reset, own it. Here's how we're going to adjust moving forward, or here's how I'm going to adjust. I'm now clarifying. And then I put it in action. And my reconnection is, like, a positive touchpoint after. Okay, again, let me repeat that. Here's what happened, that's my acknowledge and name, here's what we learned, that's my reset, here's how we're adjusting, that's my clarify, and a positive touchpoint after is my reconnect. You work yourself into that cycle and get into a pattern of doing that when things rupture a little bit, and you're gonna see so much psychological trust increase, you're gonna see people just feel a little bit safer in the organization, and all of that, on the subconscious level, is going to impact how they show up for work. So, here's an example of a way I've seen a leader do some repair work positively through the cycle. So, a meeting didn't go well, and they kind of snapped. So, they came back, and they said, I was short yesterday. That's what happened, okay? That's the happened part. That wasn't fair to the team. So, what they learned, likely, and they could state this or not, is like, that… that wasn't fair to the team, and that probably made a lot of you uncomfortable. Here's what I'm gonna do moving forward. I'm gonna stand here and apologize. And then… the next time that they are around any of those individuals, just using, like, one positive touchpoint, affirmation, just positive connection, if they can do that. A lot of times that one's missed, because it's forgotten about after the meeting or the moment has passed, but… ideally, if you can at least get through the first three of, here's what happened, here's what we learned, and here's how we're going to adjust, It's better than not doing any of the steps. Okay. So, that's repair in a nutshell.

Lauren Spigelmyer: There's a little bit of, like… okay, we talked about a contagion of emotion, we talked about how leadership and their… their regulation, or lack thereof, is… is… it's like a ripple effect, so we're gonna talk about regulation and how that can ripple. In a more positive way. Even if you have dysregulated people, or the work that you're doing is dysregulating, like, if you're working with really highly stressed out customers or people, frequently, trauma-facing, work, one leader who is regulated can shift the entire tone of a space, of a meeting, of an event, so even if one person, like, stands firm in their regulation and co-regulates out, they can shift a meeting, a floor, a department. Like, one strong leader doing this can have a huge influence. It's that ripple of regulation. And the, the, like, result of that is people will feel more comfortable, they'll trust more, they'll feel like a sense of belonging, they'll feel safer. And you may feel like you don't care about that, but that is one of the greatest human needs, and it's a more subconscious, felt thing. And when they trust more, they will… feel comfortable when ruptures come into play, because they know that they'll be repaired. And they will perform better, because they will feel like they are accepted, even if they are not performing well, they will know that there's grace, and they will be moved from grace into growth, but they will… but their shortcomings will be accepted, or moved through together, instead of… harsh punishments for that. It's…it's your organizational nervous system that really heals through consistency. So, like, doing these things one time, one off isn't gonna do it. It's creating consistency, it's creating patterns, it's creating clarity, it's creating calmness, it's creating that relationship and relational repair that, like, hits all the markers that helps people, like, want to come to their jobs, and want to perform well, and want to do well for their leadership. I work hard, harder for leaders that pay me less, that I respect more. It's just the truth. It's how we're biologically wired. So… it's incredibly important for leaders to learn how to regulate, how to learn how to co-regulate. A calm leader is… is almost like… a reset button, like, one of those red, like, isn't it… is it the reset button that's, like, staples or, like, reset? It… it could reset… everything, if they can maintain that and be consistent with it.

Lauren Spigelmyer: Okay, so what I would like you to try and do is what we call a culture or nervous system of the organization pulse check. So, either think about, or even ask team members, depending on what type of position you're in, to describe how the organization feels, feeling words, in 2-3 words. And it can be anonymous. Probably should be anonymous. Then compare those words to… the purpose of your organization. What's the mission? What's the values? Do those words, those… employees have shared, or those colleagues have shared, align with the mission and values. If not… and there's a pretty significant mismatch there. It's probably showing you there's a lot of dysregulation, so if you aren't aware of the nervous system dysregulation in your organization, that's gonna tell you that it is. The other thing I would do is reflect on this. Where in your organizational culture do you unintentionally normalize chaos. I feel like it could be… or not even just chaos, like, too frequent of urgency, or too much emotional reactivity. It could even be, like, sending things out or asking for things, like, late on a Friday. Like, people are getting ready to check out, they're ready to, like, turn it off for the weekend, requesting things, stating things, leaving people hanging, last-minute meetings that, for me, is a pretty clear indicator that we're reactive, and we're unintentionally driving chaos. Like, I would put, like, red tape boundary around that, and be like, no meetings after 1 o'clock on Friday. Unless it's an absolute emergency, and that cannot happen frequently. Or, and or, I guess, think about that, like, is there anything throughout your week, meetings, emails, projects, communications, evaluations that cause the chaos, that caused too much urgency, or too frequent urgency, or emotional reactivity. And then, once you've kind of filtered through that and identified some stuck points. What's one moment of repair, or even, like, recalibration, so we can enter into that emotional regulation ripple effect that has been avoided, or that we can integrate? So, again, where can I, as a leader, if I'm in a leadership position, work on my repair work? How do I set up the repair conversation, or how can I recalibrate to work on better regulation, have a positive ripple effect moving forward. One small thing is what we're working on integrating here, not a whole huge overhaul, just one small thing.

Lauren Spigelmyer: All of this stuff is, like, great and awesome to hear. And it's also kind of hard to implement, especially on your own. So, what helps is to have Other people come in, guide you, coach you, give you ideas, come up with creative solutions, talk about how to integrate it really naturally without it feeling like a whole extra thing on your plate, or more work. So, that is what we build the Staff Sustainability System for. Jessica and I have this program that we use with any organization that we are working with, and it works with frontline staff, because we work with a lot of organizations that are, like, trauma-facing, or work with populations that are high stress, high trauma. So medical, police, education, nonprofits. It works with the frontline staff and all staff, and it also works with leadership, and there are pieces and parts that we move through together, trainings, coaching, pieces that go together so that the frontline staff knows how to serve their population well and manage themselves well, and then the leadership knows how to manage themselves, and then the frontline staff well. If you want to learn more about this program, ugh, man, I just… it's so… it's such an awesome program, go to 5ives.com, F-I-V-E-I-V-E-S dot com, go to our services tab, and it'll explain all about the Staff Sustainability Program. It is very easy to learn more about it on there, and we can always hop on a no-cost call to just talk about, like, what does it look like, especially what does it look like adapted for different organizations, because it's going to look different if you're police versus medical, nonprofit versus education. Okay, and if you are an educator and you're wanting to learn more about some of these pieces, Jessica and I developed a course in partnership with the University of Pennsylvania, where people can earn 4.5 credits of graduate-level crediting from the university. And the course is called Behavior Breakthrough, so it's working through teacher burnout, stress management, different behavioral things that we see in students from, like, pre-K all the way to 12th grade. We are going to run a cohort for that course through the end of January. So, you can find that under our services as well, or at the bottom of our homepage, there's a tab or a link to on-demand resources. You'll see it right away, it's the Behavior Breakthrough course in partnership with the University of Pennsylvania. Okay, don't forget to take what you learned today, and actually do some of those reflection prompts, and do the culture check, pulse check, and reflect on that, and then make some actionable steps forward, because this information is great and awesome, but if we don't do anything with it, then nothing is changing. Like, reflecting and awareness is the first step. But then we have to move into action. So, maybe send it to somebody, have a conversation, go back and forth, both listen, and just discuss, and plant the seed, and take it into action. Until next episode, I'm Lauren Spigelmyer, and thank you for joining me.


Categories: : Emotional Regulation

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